Waiting--not for the faint of heart

My loves, Mans here. I come to you frustrated and flustered. I feel like I've been pushed around and bullied by the concept of WAITING. I feel that all of us are waiting for something, whether it's waiting to get out of school, get a job, get married, find that guy of your dreams, etc. We are all players in this crazy game of life and our opponent is the ever menacing villain dubbed, waiting.

I feel like I've been in this same chapter of my life for ages. This chapter where I am single, in school, working part-time jobs, and living with a bunch of girls. And though none of those things are necessarily bad, I'm tired of it all. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to get married, have loads and loads of babies, find a cute house and decorate it with items that I've circled in a Pottery Barn magazine. But that's not where God has me right now. I'm exactly where I should be, which is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. Because along with that pill, I have to throw in the painful reality that God's plans for me are more important than mine. His are perfect, while mine only deal with my present circumstances rather than the bigger picture.

When things don't go my way, I turn to my closest companions--sarcasm and cynicism. But of course God wants to use us even in the periods of our lives when He has called us to wait. Ugh, it's so much easier to just be sarcastic, because I'm really good at it. When it comes down to it, He has called me to rejoice. "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice." Philippians 4:4.

Kiersten sent me this poem by Russell Kelfer today that caused me to weep, because of my skewed view of God. I'm viewing Him as this prison guard, holding my hopes and dreams under lock and key until the decree comes that He can give them back to me. Here is the poem, I hope it pierces your heart like it has mine:

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...

And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers. I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming Your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate

Hangs in the balance and you tell me to wait?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.

Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

As my Master replied again, "Wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,

And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting... for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...

And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.

You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love

When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of My comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,

But oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.

And though oft My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still... wait."